引子#
I slowly understand why I am not happy, because I always expect a result. I expect a book to make me profound, expect eating and swimming to make me lose weight, expect a text message to be replied, expect kindness to be reciprocated, expect attention and comfort when I write a story or express my mood, and expect a fulfilling experience from participating in an event. If these preset expectations are met, I can breathe a sigh of relief. If they are not met, I blame myself. But I was the same person when I was a child, spending an afternoon watching ants move...
"Allowing Yourself to Waste Time"
I often wonder what the meaning of my work is. Although I earn enough salary to live in Chengdu, gradually, various physical and mental problems have hit me hard. There have been some changes in the department recently, which has increased the pressure on me, but my salary has not changed.
Due to work schedules, even though I live with my girlfriend, these past two weeks have felt like a long-distance relationship. Sometimes I am too tired to get up in the morning, and she has already gone to work. In the afternoon, I go to work while she comes back from work. Sometimes, when I come home at night, she is already asleep. This situation has lasted for two weeks, and we haven't had a proper conversation about recent events.
The thought of resigning has crossed my mind more than once, but considering that I don't have another job lined up and I still have a mortgage to pay, I will continue to endure these problems. Fortunately, my girlfriend has given me great emotional support, making me realize that this issue is no longer just about me since we got together and decided to get married. It requires both of us to face it together.
巷子#
Childhood memories are always so beautiful, and the alley is the time of my childhood. The buildings in my hometown are neat, and so are the streets and alleys. The width of the alleys is about the width of three people standing side by side, but we, as children, could play tirelessly in the alleys for an entire afternoon.
There are also some hidden delicacies in the alleys that outsiders may not know about. These small shops may not be eye-catching, but they are the secret shared among neighbors. The Wide and Narrow Alleys in Chengdu are a well-known tourist attraction that has been well developed, but I don't recommend going there because it has become overly commercialized, and you can find similar places in every city. I do recommend exploring some other alleys nearby. There are many delicious foods and long queues, but there is a small shop with few people at noon that I want to record here.
This small shop opens randomly. If you happen to pass by at noon, you will smell a tempting aroma, which is the fried rice from the shop. It is the most delicious fried rice I have ever had in Chengdu. The freshly served rice has a fragrant smell, and each grain of rice is distinct, giving you a satisfying chewing experience. The slightly salty egg flavor and the subtle taste of Sichuan peppercorns follow. Fried rice is a dish that requires more oil, and the higher the heat, the better the flavor. Only with the "wok aroma" can it truly feel like a worldly delight. If you feel greasy, the shop also has its own pickled radish, which is refreshing and helps to cleanse the palate when eaten with the fried rice.
After lunch, you can find a café and order a cup of coffee, enjoying the warm sunshine of Chengdu in spring. Watch the people coming and going in front of the café, feeling detached from the mundane world. It feels good, as if time has stood still. I used to not understand why the elderly liked sitting under trees and watching people pass by, but now I seem to understand the charm of wasting time. I can do nothing, just sit here, watch the wind blowing through the branches, watch the nearby residents walking their pet dogs. Suddenly, I feel like I have aged, but after this time passes, I will have to face the trivialities of life and the pressures of work again. If I can be happy, then I will be happy. If I can waste time, then I will waste time. Life is chasing after you, and you have to give it a slap.
闲聊#
I used to not understand why my mother would cry while watching TV dramas, but I don't know when it started, I have also become someone who is easily influenced by others' emotions. Now I realize that as I grow older, my heart becomes gradually softer. I can resonate with suffering and resist authority. Perhaps my own energy has weakened, unable to resist the invasion of external energy. Perhaps it is because I have gained more experiences that I can sympathize with those who have had similar experiences.
学习#
Since I started playing xLog, it has opened a new door for me. Here, I can find various fresh things and learn many things that I have never encountered before. I have started to delve into blockchain and suddenly have the urge to switch to blockchain development. However, my current abilities are still lacking, and I am still in the beginner stage. I have not reached the industry's requirements for blockchain developers, so I need to accumulate more experience.